So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
