I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
