He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
