I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
