Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
