Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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