Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
