she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
