Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
