I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
