"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
