They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
