I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
