I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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