You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
