Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
