I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
