Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
