I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
