About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
