the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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