I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
