Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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