You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
