i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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