I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
