Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
