Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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