apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
