currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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