Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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