I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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