like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
