There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
