At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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