So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
