watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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