life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
