Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
