Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She's the barista slut.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
