I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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