so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize