Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is it penis luge time yet?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
