dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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