Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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