im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
