hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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