Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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