babies were throwing up all over the place
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
