Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
