I need to stop coming to work sober
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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