At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You were trust falling into bushes
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
