is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
