I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
