she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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