Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
