I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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