am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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