Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
