New invention idea: vibrating tampons
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
