stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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