I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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